or, more reasons I wish I lived in a big sexy gay city:
Ho: Trans sexworker photographic project
This makes me so happy, it makes me feel not totally crazy, or alone, in the few ways that I often do. I forgot if I’ve posted about my genderqueer identification much, probably not, it’s a little more theoretical than most of this has been. Doing sex work as a genderqueer IDed, female-assigned-at-birth person is a bit of a mindfuck, in addtion to the work beng a mindfuck in and of itself. I’ve met a handful of other genderqueer/vagina possessng people but not talked about it much, and have an easier time just not even tryng to assign theories. I don’t feel particularly gendered most of the time, and go through occasional phases of gender dysphoria in whch it feels like i’d like nothing more than to transition hormonally. I often talk myself out of this w1th the rationalization that I wouldn’t be able to work anymore and therefore fuck myself over financially. I wonder then if work is an “excuse,” if really I am either A) not “actually” genderqueer and somehow lying to myself and/or benefitting from non-trans privilege while not actively identifying with it, or B) in fact trans and should stop making excuses for not creating a gender identity I’d be more happy with. And this quandry tears me apart usually so I try just not to th1nk about it, in which case it’s mostly fine minus the subconscious dysphoria. Adding onto this confusion is my enjoyment of playing with “work-drag,” or extreme-femme dress up that I do for work. Doesn’t being a trans-male drag-queen just make you a girl again? (answer: no). Isn’t this type of inner dialogue and anguish a joke compared to the struggles of visibly trans people and/or trans people in need of specific, hard to access types of healthcare? Is the question I should really be asking, could I make a viable career out of working in the sex industry without selling myself as a femme-female, whilst the whorlw1nd of economic crisis continues to pull cash from the pockets of potential clients? Or should I just put real time into learning a legal trade?
Self indulgent ranting aside, it’s really exciting to see space being made to acknowledge the realities of sex workers working outside of our identified genders. Props!
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July 20, 2009 at 1:51 pm
AngryBlackWhiteGirl
ok, not that you asked, but you did put it on the internet, so here is my 2 cents on the matter.
i think you can enjoy work drag and still have it be really separate (and/or only overlap with your “real gender” when you are comfortable with it) from the way you live your gender in other aspects of your life. i think it’s a way of having healthy boundaries (and of course, easier said than done.) like, i’ll share this part of me with you, but that’s all you’re getting. the rest is mine.” that’s kind of how i see work drag.
i dunno, i struggle with some of the same questions (parts A and B) regarding gender identity even though the context is somewhat different. and, just for the record, i have been feeling hella draggy lately, in a high-femme kind of way, and a good way. i’ve been really wanting to wear big hoop earrings. i’ve never pierced my ears, but at 22, i’m seriously debating it. (the whole like, “is this a phase or not” thing.) so here’s to trying to figure out our genders and keeping our options open. :raises Shirley Temple:
keep rocking, keep writing. <3
July 20, 2009 at 1:52 pm
AngryBlackWhiteGirl
p.s. in regards to living in a big sexy gay city, move to the Bay. ’nuff said.