or, more reasons I wish I lived in a big sexy gay city:
This makes me so happy, it makes me feel not totally crazy, or alone, in the few ways that I often do. I forgot if I’ve posted about my genderqueer identification much, probably not, it’s a little more theoretical than most of this has been. Doing sex work as a genderqueer IDed, female-assigned-at-birth person is a bit of a mindfuck, in addtion to the work beng a mindfuck in and of itself. I’ve met a handful of other genderqueer/vagina possessng people but not talked about it much, and have an easier time just not even tryng to assign theories. I don’t feel particularly gendered most of the time, and go through occasional phases of gender dysphoria in whch it feels like i’d like nothing more than to transition hormonally. I often talk myself out of this w1th the rationalization that I wouldn’t be able to work anymore and therefore fuck myself over financially. I wonder then if work is an “excuse,” if really I am either A) not “actually” genderqueer and somehow lying to myself and/or benefitting from non-trans privilege while not actively identifying with it, or B) in fact trans and should stop making excuses for not creating a gender identity I’d be more happy with. And this quandry tears me apart usually so I try just not to th1nk about it, in which case it’s mostly fine minus the subconscious dysphoria. Adding onto this confusion is my enjoyment of playing with “work-drag,” or extreme-femme dress up that I do for work. Doesn’t being a trans-male drag-queen just make you a girl again? (answer: no). Isn’t this type of inner dialogue and anguish a joke compared to the struggles of visibly trans people and/or trans people in need of specific, hard to access types of healthcare? Is the question I should really be asking, could I make a viable career out of working in the sex industry without selling myself as a femme-female, whilst the whorlw1nd of economic crisis continues to pull cash from the pockets of potential clients? Or should I just put real time into learning a legal trade?
Self indulgent ranting aside, it’s really exciting to see space being made to acknowledge the realities of sex workers working outside of our identified genders. Props!