I never thought I’d be here. Sitting in a bawdy house, waiting for another old man to come in and defile my previously virginal temple,wearing MAKEUP for christ’s sake, and worst of all, starting a blog. Ok it’s really only the makeup and blogging parts  I wasn’t expecting. Don’t get me wrong I spend a lot of time reading  them lately,
especially between clients. It sure helps the isolation to be able to
hear/see/read the thoughts of queers, gays, transpeople, people of
color, and especially other sex workers while living in a small, mostly
white city with a “hear no speak no” approach to, well, everything. What
with all this spare time I have to putter about on the internet, and
practically no one to talk to about work, much less manic thoughts about
anti-oppression work, activism, world affairs, what hipster queers from san francisco think about their lunch, etc.  I figure it’s high
time to start one of these things myself. So here goes….

I work at a massage parlor downtown, one of the three in the city, not
including the two or three escort services. It’s run by a relatively
easy going, slightly spacy old dude who’s convinced he’s going to drive
the other parlors out of business by, and I quote “cornering the
market.” But Dave, how are you going to corner the market if you haven’t
even installed the backdoor you said you’d put in months ago? Anyways, I’m on day shift today, reading Angry Black-White Blog
through which I ended up watching all sorts of lesbian youtube gossip wars, learning “WHY IMA LEZ,” the “rules to being a stud,” and the difference between a fem and a stem. In the middle of all of this, a walk in bust
through the door practically knocking me off my my chair. Fourtunately he
took about 5 minutes. Literally. Fucking sweet! So of course I continue
to wade through all sorts of overwhelming information about these extremely relevant world issues.
Something I’ve been wanting to address to a wider audience then, um, my
clients is USING PROTECTING DURING ORAL SEX. Yes, you, the one who
engages in oral sex ever, THIS IS IMPORTANT! Now, I’m a big believer in
using the language of harm reduction and all of that, having done and
doing some very unsafe things. So this isn’t me trying to say anyone is
bad, wrong, dirty, whatever for anything they do. Cause if you are, I
DEFINITELY am. What gets me is that non-sex workers, the vast majority
of the time, seem not only astounded, confused, or even a bit offended
by the idea, but they’ve never even heard of the concept except in vague
or humorous reference. As one of those things you’re supposed to do but
never actually would, or that crazy overly cautious bitches who walk
around in latex suits do. Well, I am here to officially
state:

It’s a good idea to use a condom or dental dam during oral sex.
Chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, HIV, HPV/genital warts, NGU, syphilis, and
thrush/yeast infections can all be passed during unprotected oral sex.

Some of these are at higher risk of transmission via oral sex than
others, but you can protect against all of them the same way, so why
not?
(more info on risk levels here:
http://sexuality.about.com/od/saferse1/a/safer_oral_sex.htm)

Now some detractors (i.e. all of my clients, and most of my non-SW
friends) will say…

But it reduces sensation!
And I will say:
It <i>delays orgasm</i>, which’ll make it that much more satisfying!
Also (in reference to fellatio) you can put on a dab of water-based
lubricant on the penis directly before unrolling the condom.
You may say:
I hate the taste of lube!
And I will say:
So do I! That’s why I used unlubricated condoms during oral sex. I was
told recently that it’s safest to put a dab of lube on the penis before
putting on a condom, and also to have it on the outside (—-pause
for client. Oh man, blue massage lotion=hilarious in contrast with red
pubes. AHAHAHAHAH—–)
as your mouth may not provide enough
lubrication and cause friction on the inside or outside. I’ve never used
lube during oral sex (or really at all, I have more than enough on my
own). I’m told silicone based lube has no taste. Or maybe you’re
into flavored condoms! I don’t like the idea myself, but if you do, make
sure to only use them for oral as they can cause yeast infections if
used for intercourse.

I’ve also noticed that if the condom’s too big (and since there’s only
one type of unlubed condom at the store here, and they’re large, argh!), you may feel a
small kind of prick (ahahaha) or sharp spot on the condom, this is
caused by folding. Don’t be alarmed but make sure to lay on the spit or
lube to prevent friction, even if you’re slobbering all over the place.
They like that anyway.

This leads into another topic that’s been in the back of my head for a
while since mentioned by an older stripper friend:
Putting condoms on with your mouth. Holy whore magic batman! I’ve heard
of this before, specifically in reference to some government health
organization consulting sex workers on safer sex methods. Apparently
lots of ladies have perfected this in order to perform safer oral sex
without the knowledge of johns (talk about a consent paradox!). I
finally went and looked it up, and found this step by step, in a few
slightly different forms. I’ll include one of the ridiculous lead-ins
for your amusement.

“This is one party trick that all the hot girls know. It’s also
especially useful on guys who seem to use the excuse that they’ll lose
their erection in the time in takes to put on a condom. Mastering this
move will take time and practice but for some reason I don’ t think
you’ll have any problem finding volunteers to practice with you.

Step 1.
Lie your guy on his back, or propped up on his elbows, and tell him you
want to show him a party trick you learned in college.

Step 2.
Open the condom carefully. If you have long nails be extra careful as
they can cause small cuts in the latex, weakening the condom.

Step3.
Place the condom in your mouth, behind your teeth, with your tongue
pressed against the reservoir tip. Shoot your guy a wink just to let him
know what’s up.

Step 4.
With condom in mouth drip a few drops of lube onto your guys tip. This
will enhance the feeling during sex. If you’re concerned about getting a
mouthful of lube when you do put the condom on use a flavored lube.

Step 5.
Lower your head and place the condom on your guys penis. With your
tongue press the reservoir tip against the tip of the penis to get all
the air out. Continue downward in one controlled movement using your
lips to push the condom downward. Be careful not to bite…too hard.

Step 6.
Take care of business.

Step 7.
Add a tick mark to the list of guys who will now do anything you ever
ask of them. Also add this guys name to your list of late-night booty
call possibilities as this guy will be so impressed and awed by your
talents that he’ll will forever be in your debt.”
This was the funniest one, but they’re all basically the same. The only
difference is one says, in step 5, to instead press the reservoir tip
against the roof of your mouth, though down against the head seems like
it’d be easier. I have yet to try it, but seeing as this sounds a bit
tricky I’d recommend trying it out first on either a dildo or a very
patient friend.

Oh, now that I have this thing, I can list off all of the amazing things
I’ve found on youtube.

#1 “How to Treat a Sex Worker” Excellent explanation of etiquitte for
johns, good to watch even if you’re an ally. It’s nice to watch
something like this and remember, oh right, it’s not just me! And, oh
yeah, even if I inevitably deal with bullshit constantly, I don’t
deserve it.

#2 My new favorite sex worker v-logger, Jessie Abraham. She’s from
Australia, and wicked funny. Especially “porn with a sex worker”
regarding condoms and oral.

#3 LostAngelesTV, hilarious qwoc commentary on labels, hair, other
vloggers, and everything in between.

#4 The about.com sexuality section. Really? Yes really, it’s actually
full of good information, who knew?

Ok, that’s it for now. Camille’s in the next room watching a romantic
comedy. She also brought in macaroon brownies (two of the best things in
the world, combined. fucking deadly), so now I can watch youtube WHILE
having multiple foodgasms.

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